I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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