Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
