apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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