My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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