OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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