Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
