Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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