naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
