I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
