This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
