I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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