I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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