woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
