I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
