96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
