I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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