i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
