She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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