I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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