I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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