i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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