I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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