I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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