Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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