Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
