Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
