Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
