i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
