Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
