I accidentally had phone sex last night
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
