That's intense
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
