So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
