my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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