The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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