listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
