omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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