Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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