I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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