i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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