I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
