fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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