I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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