Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
