4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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