I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
