wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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