do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
