oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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