what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
