I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
