My balls are so social today.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
