tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
