I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
