you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
